More Kid Sense.
Per Abbie:
"Mom. Houses are too heavy to carry. See?"
(Goes to door frame and continues to try and lift it.)
2.27.2004
TIDBITS
TIDBITS
TIDIBITS (SPECIAL EDITION: AIRPLANE CUTLERY)
1. ANA (Japan)
Thanks to some dickweed named Allah and all his gay friends, you don't get cutlery on planes anymore. Now you just get some shitty turkey wrap that you have to eat with your hands. ANA had really nice cutlery, and you could eat hot noodles with it while you watched the plane take off and land on a big video screen. It was like going to a rich guy's house for a sleepover.
2. BRITISH AIRWAYS
As far as stabbing people goes, British Airways used to have the best knives around. You could really grip those blue-handled suckers and sink it into a pilot if you wanted to … but now you can't.
3. UNITED (America)
This one's up there with British Airways as one of the most potentially dangerous terrorist weapons. Though it doesn't have that fantastic blue handle, it's got a nice fish-scale texture that really helps the grip.
4. TURKISH
These elegantly crafted daggers were so f-ing deadly you wouldn't even have to get up from your chair. You could just yell out, "I'm hijacking this plane and if anyone has a problem with that I will whip one of these deadly ninja things right into your head." And then everyone would do whatever you wanted.
5. IBERIA (Spain)
This is the soccer hooligan airline of choice, and soccer hooligans don't need weapons. All they need is a few cans of lager so they can shout chants like "When I was just a little boy / My father bought me my favorite toy / A [insert rival team] fan on a piece of string / And told me to kick his f-ing head in / F-ing head in / F-ing head in / He told me to kick his f-ing head in." Seriously, that's a real chant.
6. LUFTHANSA (Germany)
Lufthansa didn't have very good knives but their spoons were thick and stubby, so if you were really strong you could put the round part in your palm and use it as a blunt, skull-popping device.
7. CONTINENTAL (America)
They had pretty good knives, but Continental's spoons were so perfectly shaped they were much more dangerous. The things were like steel baseball bats with giant round plates at the end, and if a terrorist wanted to take over the plane he could just bumrush the cockpit and be like, "gong," to one guy and then, "gong," to the other guy, and they'd both be like, "zzzzzz," and then he could go, "nnnnnrrr," until the whole shit went, "pkkkkksshhhhhrashboom!"
8. SCANDINAVIAN
They never had knives because it was always cold sandwiches and stuff, but their spoons were so beautiful they made you want to go to design school. You'd just be sitting there looking at the mountains and sipping tea with your rye bread. Those were the days.
(Sorry. Kids do read this. Certain expletives were masked accordingly.)
2.25.2004
10 Surefire Ways to Annoy Your Visitors
1. Start with your entry page. Be sure to include a huge graphical logo, but absolutely no useful information. In general, large unnecessary downloads such as background music (ideally totally inappropriate music), multimedia presentations and video files, are an essential element of the truly annoying site, so include six or seven on every page.
2. Very tiny text (SIZE=1) can be a great way to damage your visitors' eyesight. Unfortunately modern browsers include a font-sizing feature which negates much of the power of this technique. Webmasters can seize back control by mixing tiny (SIZE=1) and very large (SIZE=6) text on the same page.
3. Low contrast color combinations like yellow on white, or better yet, dark gray on black, have been proven to increase web surfers' aggression levels.
4. WRITING EVERYTHING IN CAPITAL LETTERS CAN HAVE INTERESTING EFFECTS IN YOUR VISITORS' PSYCHOLOGICAL MAKE-UP. EXPERIMENT WITH switching between CASES FOR absolutely NO REASON, preferably EVEN IN THE midDLE of WOrds, TO REALLY WIND THEM UP!
5. Make sure absolutely every page positively requires horizontal scrolling.
6. Frames can be a powerful technology for making people's blood boil. Be sure to use them heavily, and don't let users easily break out even when leaving your site. For extra credit, combine this with horizontal scrolling and have the 'Home' button "accidentally" put the entire frame-set inside the smallest frame.
7. Forms are most interesting when they don't work at all. Unfortunately, it won't waste much of your visitors' time if the form has only a couple of fields. Therefore make sure your form has at least 20 fields which must be filled out exactly right (add validation code), and wait till they've struggled through them all, before giving a CGI error.
8. Banners adverts are one of the most under-used technologies on the web. Some sites have only 2 or 3 per page. Show those sites how to do it right, by having at least 20 banners per page. Remember never use a text link when you have a chance to use a banner!
9. Sadly some hosts do not add pop-ups to your pages. If your web host is holding you back in this way, don't despair. After you've mailed your letter of compliant to the hosting company, add a little JavaScript to your pages to achieve the same effect.
10. Finally the old ideas are often still the best ones: Bad English is well-known technique that many webmasters are familiar with. Be sure to include a more than adequate number of speling misteaks in all your text, or for a really exciting twist make your sentences really long, with way too many clauses, a superabundance of overlong and unnecessarily obtuse terminology and gratuitous jargon, and unexpected changes from formal language into the a more colloquial style: as it this way cool example!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Exclamation marks are also good, the more the better!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
1. Start with your entry page. Be sure to include a huge graphical logo, but absolutely no useful information. In general, large unnecessary downloads such as background music (ideally totally inappropriate music), multimedia presentations and video files, are an essential element of the truly annoying site, so include six or seven on every page.
2. Very tiny text (SIZE=1) can be a great way to damage your visitors' eyesight. Unfortunately modern browsers include a font-sizing feature which negates much of the power of this technique. Webmasters can seize back control by mixing tiny (SIZE=1) and very large (SIZE=6) text on the same page.
3. Low contrast color combinations like yellow on white, or better yet, dark gray on black, have been proven to increase web surfers' aggression levels.
4. WRITING EVERYTHING IN CAPITAL LETTERS CAN HAVE INTERESTING EFFECTS IN YOUR VISITORS' PSYCHOLOGICAL MAKE-UP. EXPERIMENT WITH switching between CASES FOR absolutely NO REASON, preferably EVEN IN THE midDLE of WOrds, TO REALLY WIND THEM UP!
5. Make sure absolutely every page positively requires horizontal scrolling.
6. Frames can be a powerful technology for making people's blood boil. Be sure to use them heavily, and don't let users easily break out even when leaving your site. For extra credit, combine this with horizontal scrolling and have the 'Home' button "accidentally" put the entire frame-set inside the smallest frame.
7. Forms are most interesting when they don't work at all. Unfortunately, it won't waste much of your visitors' time if the form has only a couple of fields. Therefore make sure your form has at least 20 fields which must be filled out exactly right (add validation code), and wait till they've struggled through them all, before giving a CGI error.
8. Banners adverts are one of the most under-used technologies on the web. Some sites have only 2 or 3 per page. Show those sites how to do it right, by having at least 20 banners per page. Remember never use a text link when you have a chance to use a banner!
9. Sadly some hosts do not add pop-ups to your pages. If your web host is holding you back in this way, don't despair. After you've mailed your letter of compliant to the hosting company, add a little JavaScript to your pages to achieve the same effect.
10. Finally the old ideas are often still the best ones: Bad English is well-known technique that many webmasters are familiar with. Be sure to include a more than adequate number of speling misteaks in all your text, or for a really exciting twist make your sentences really long, with way too many clauses, a superabundance of overlong and unnecessarily obtuse terminology and gratuitous jargon, and unexpected changes from formal language into the a more colloquial style: as it this way cool example!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Exclamation marks are also good, the more the better!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Statistics of jynmeyer.com
Okay, some interesting facts:
Have you ever REALLY looked into your site statistics to see who has links to you?
Well, I did today and I found out something interesting.
1.) There is a certain person who supports something I CERTAINLY don't with a link to one of my blogs or something somewhere. I looked all over the site, source code and everything, and I found NOTHING with any part of my URL in it so I'm confused as to WHAT could be possibly linking from MY site to his. This is quite irritating. I haven't responded to anything on that site or left any links of myself, although I HAVE visited there on a whim...
2.) How the HECK did I get linked into Hummer.com? I couldn't see how anything in my site could remotely be connected with cars, automobiles or Hummer, although my husband loves them. Very ODD. Although I might have posted a question waaaaaay back in a forum they had regarding the vehicles and included a link to myself. This, seems the most logical reason.
3.) Now THIS pisses me off. Janet Jackson Superbowl Tit Scandal. WHAT?! I REALLY dont get it.
So, after much thought, I am FIGURING that my blogs, being a part of a huge blogger directory, are being included in a type of RSS feed into sites I dont much care to be in.
So far no harm done, so I wont worry too much.
Have you ever REALLY looked into your site statistics to see who has links to you?
Well, I did today and I found out something interesting.
1.) There is a certain person who supports something I CERTAINLY don't with a link to one of my blogs or something somewhere. I looked all over the site, source code and everything, and I found NOTHING with any part of my URL in it so I'm confused as to WHAT could be possibly linking from MY site to his. This is quite irritating. I haven't responded to anything on that site or left any links of myself, although I HAVE visited there on a whim...
2.) How the HECK did I get linked into Hummer.com? I couldn't see how anything in my site could remotely be connected with cars, automobiles or Hummer, although my husband loves them. Very ODD. Although I might have posted a question waaaaaay back in a forum they had regarding the vehicles and included a link to myself. This, seems the most logical reason.
3.) Now THIS pisses me off. Janet Jackson Superbowl Tit Scandal. WHAT?! I REALLY dont get it.
So, after much thought, I am FIGURING that my blogs, being a part of a huge blogger directory, are being included in a type of RSS feed into sites I dont much care to be in.
So far no harm done, so I wont worry too much.
This morning I mentioned to Abigail, who is almost 5 yrs old, that Jay's best friend was coming to spend a few days with us.
Not only is he Jay's best friend, but he was the best man in our wedding, as we were the best man and maiden of honor in his.
His wife had a daughter already, and she was Abbie and Gracie's age. Abbie and Grace played with her, but this little girl was very spoiled and bad mannered, so I was quick to feel she wasn't a good influence on my kids. The only real discipline she ever got was from our friend's side of the family.
Anyhoo, we are now across the US from them, and the girls ask now and then about the little girl. Jay's friend and the little girl's mother are getting a divorce because of many things, the worst being unfaithfullness, and now he's coming to visit and take a little vacation.
The problem I am now facing is explain to the girls:
A.) Why he is here and the little girl and mommy aren't
B.) And all the questions following from that response
Children have active minds and I dont want them LEARNING that mommys and kids go away from the daddys when they are bad. This is an exception I'm having a tough time explaining in her age appropriate manner.
He wasn't her father, but he married her mother and took on the role as daddy until they left because it was such a short period of time (2 yrs) they were together.
(a) "Mommy, where is (her friend)?"
(m) "Well, she's gone now, honey. She and her mommy left and they dont live with (Jay's friend) anymore."
(a) "Why? I liked (their friend)."
(m) "Well, your friend's mommy was bad and your friend wasnt a very nice friend either, remember? Don't worry about it, they live a long way away now and we can find new friends."
So now I opened the can of worms, WHERE do I go from here.
*sigh*
Not only is he Jay's best friend, but he was the best man in our wedding, as we were the best man and maiden of honor in his.
His wife had a daughter already, and she was Abbie and Gracie's age. Abbie and Grace played with her, but this little girl was very spoiled and bad mannered, so I was quick to feel she wasn't a good influence on my kids. The only real discipline she ever got was from our friend's side of the family.
Anyhoo, we are now across the US from them, and the girls ask now and then about the little girl. Jay's friend and the little girl's mother are getting a divorce because of many things, the worst being unfaithfullness, and now he's coming to visit and take a little vacation.
The problem I am now facing is explain to the girls:
A.) Why he is here and the little girl and mommy aren't
B.) And all the questions following from that response
Children have active minds and I dont want them LEARNING that mommys and kids go away from the daddys when they are bad. This is an exception I'm having a tough time explaining in her age appropriate manner.
He wasn't her father, but he married her mother and took on the role as daddy until they left because it was such a short period of time (2 yrs) they were together.
(a) "Mommy, where is (her friend)?"
(m) "Well, she's gone now, honey. She and her mommy left and they dont live with (Jay's friend) anymore."
(a) "Why? I liked (their friend)."
(m) "Well, your friend's mommy was bad and your friend wasnt a very nice friend either, remember? Don't worry about it, they live a long way away now and we can find new friends."
So now I opened the can of worms, WHERE do I go from here.
*sigh*
2.24.2004
Fun fun in head land
Well, we are going to have to get Jacob a helmet for his plagiocephaly, which is the flattening of the skull due to excess weight on that area.
I have started a new blog just for this occasion.
What, oh what can we design this helmet to be......
-Jyn
I have started a new blog just for this occasion.
What, oh what can we design this helmet to be......
-Jyn
2.23.2004
BLOGGER
Well, I'm irritated. I can't find the stinken' USB connector to download the pictures off my camera.
*sigh*
-Jyn
*sigh*
-Jyn
2.08.2004
AT THE ZOO
Grace: "Mom, what's that?"
Me: "That's a Peacock, Gracie."
Grace: "Ohh. Where's the Poocock?"
Kid sense.
-Jyn
Me: "That's a Peacock, Gracie."
Grace: "Ohh. Where's the Poocock?"
Kid sense.
-Jyn
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